New Years Resolutions...Ugh

I usually don't do the whole New Year's resolution thing, for obvious reasons. If I had goals, I would have to feel guilty when I didn't reach them. Who needs the guilt? No thank you. Anyway, for 2009, I thought I would venture into the realm of the goal-oriented. I have thought long and hard about these resolutions, so do not laugh.
1. I resolve to refrain from laughing at people who use the following words: irregardless, grammerical and pacific (instead of specific).
2. I resolve to watch each and every episode of American Idol. No skipping.
3. I resolve to never listen to country music or NPR. Disclaimer: I have nothing against country music lovers. It's kind of sweet. I just can't listen to it myself because of the cheese factor.
4. I resolve to perfect my southern accent.
5. I resolve to refrain from watching Camp Rock and High School Musical on a daily basis.
6. I resolve to cut down on the use of the work "freakin" in my daily conversations.
7. I resolve to quit pulling stray hairs from Mike's ears during Sacrament meeting.
8. I resolve to sleep in my own bed at least twice a week - I might be sleeping with several of my children, but at least I'll be in the vicinity of my husband.
9. I resolve to blog more, find more to smile about, take more pictures (with my new rad camera) and keep better track of my kid's lives.
10. Finally, I resolve to actually use the green and orange Harmon's bags when I go to the grocery store, instead of leaving them in my pantry, where they aren't really doing much to save the environment.

See how easy that was? These seem like attainable goals. Hey-hope you have a great New Year. Don't stress yourself out too much. Love to all!

Christmas is over, thank goodness...

Mike and Lizzy walking up the sledding hill by the cabin.


Josh and cousin Carson flying down the sledding hill.



Carley,Erin and Carson trying to get unstuck!

Cutie Autumn at the Cabin.

Mike attempting to play Guitar Hero!

Have you ever seen such a mess?

Finally!!! Christmas is over. Sorry to sound like a spoiled sport, but, sometimes I just can't take it. I love the spiritual, reflection, coming to Christ part, but I have a hard time with the pagan, Santa, wordly part. I love to spend time with the family, but I can only take so much celebrating. By the time New Years rolls around, all I want to do is go to bed. Who cares if it is the dawning of new year and possibly a new beginning? I need my sleep. Anyway, nothing particularly special happened in the Wood family this year...so I will ask the inevitable question and also answer the question you might ask... "What did you get for Christmas?" Well, I finally got my wish. My hubbie and in-laws finally decided to trust me with a nice camera. I am so excited. I can now publish photos of the kids and craziness. Yeah!! Sorry to all that do not want that peek into the life of the Woods. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and wish for you to have a Happy New Year.

Double Crazy Cow

Today has been a double crazy cow day. Let's just start off by saying that Melissa needs to be medicated. Seriously. Sometimes, I wish I could slip into the local pub and slosh down a few. Ever felt that way? In the words of my very practical sis-in-law "oh, what's the matter?" I tell you what the matter is. My kids don't need sleep to function. I need sleep to function. This is a problem. How can a child of 4 wake up at the butt-crack of dawn, run all day, drive everyone in her family bonkers ALL DAY, not have a nap EVER, and still be alive and well at 11:00 PM? How is this possible? How can an eight year old child with health problems, late nights, middle of the night itching fits and school,dance,violin,homework,Christmas shopping,playing-with-friend-filled days, still insist that she "can't possibly sleep" at 11:15 PM? I had a decent-night-sleep, didn't-do-much, ate-chocolate-all-day kind of day and I am exhausted. Why? Is this what they mean about God having a sense of humor? I think so my friends. By 11 o'clock tonight, I literally thought about doling out several tablespoons of Benadryl to the offending parties, tying each one to their respective beds and then beating them about the head area to induce slumber!!! OK, I'm not that violent, but the Benadryl thing did cross my mind. Happily, they are now tucked safely in their beds, were they are protected from double Crazy Cow. Anyhoo -
I thought of a funny incident today while I was once again Christmas shopping (will it ever end?) Last Saturday, Mike and I decided to Christmas shop for the kids "big" present(s). Of course we ended up at Toys-R-Us (practically the last place you want to be on Dec 13). Mike dropped me off and went to park to the car. First of all, there were oodles and I mean oodles of frantic parents and grandparents in line to purchase their crap. It was somewhat disconcerting. I thought, "Why the hel...I mean heck are we doing this?" So, I set my course for the back of the store,where the "big" presents are. This is were I told Mike to meet me. I was quite determined to get this whole thing over with, so I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. However, one item caught my eye. This item could be the answer to a lot of troubling things about my life. This item could quite possible be the answer to a prayer. This item was so stupendous that I think I actually stopped breathing for a moment (or that could have been due to the general farty smell of that particular area of the store). This item was none other than a life size, talking (in two languages), non-fart smelling DORA DOLL. Yes folks, you read correctly. This doll was 1) about two inches taller and 20 pounds heavier than Autumn, 2)was modestly dressed with beautiful flowing hair 3) was bi-lingual, 4) spoke only when you squeezed her hand and 5) had poseable limbs. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR IN A TOY?? Nothing, nothing and nothing. This doll would have solved the following issues in my life...1) Insta-friend for Autumn. No more endless rounds of Barbie play-acting for me. 2) She would teach my child in two languages, thus , quite possibly hurtling her toward 1st grade way before her time, thus, once again saving me from Barbie/Bratz land. 3) she would be a great example to Autumn, ie: always dress modestly (no waltzing around in the undies), keep your hair tidy and groomed (not in a three day old pony/horse/pig tail), speak only when someone squeezes your hand, and lastly, stand perfectly still with arms at your sides at all time. HURRAH! Long story short, I did not immediately purchase this uber-toy. My list of Pros about this purchase was long and satisfying. There was just one con. This doll could be used against me!!! Remind me to tell you some day about the Life Size Black Nutcracker Barbie that Grandma Wood purchased for Lizzy one Christmas. Quick Synopsis: Lizzy did not play with the doll. My little bro Joel, my son and my loving husband did. They loved to place this doll anywhere and everywhere in different poses, so as to scare me and make me pee my pants. The most memorable of which was when I came upon it standing at the top the stairs in the middle of the night with arms outstretched like some sort of other-wordly creature. I did have to change my shorts after that one. Anyway, this scenario played out in my mind in less than three seconds. I somewhat woefully passed the doll up, hoping that Mike would not discover it. As fate would have it, when he finally did find me amongst the throngs in the motorized vehicle section of the store, he triumphantly lifted the DORA DOLL over his head and proclaimed, "I HAVE FOUND THE PRESENT!!" Needless to say, I quickly subdued his victorious cry with "Not a snowballs chance in hel...I mean heck." That dang doll would most likely send Melissa into premature Cardiac Arrest. The Holidays would definitely be ruined if that happened, so we bought Autumn a motorized car instead. Hey, it's getting late, need to sleep before crazy crack-smoking children arise!!! Love to all!!

It's been awhile

Hey friends and fam- sorry it has been so long since I have "blogged". As some of you know, Melissa is not the best at techy stuff, ie: my keyboard was broken and I couldn't make it work, so I finally broke down and bought a new one, which Josh thankfully set up for me. Anyhoo - not much to report. I have been forbodden to speak ill of the teenager types in my family, so I really don't have much to say except that I really hate Christmas shopping. That being said, I really don't have anything to say. Okay - I am never really at a loss, so let me step up on my soap box and talk about something I have really disliked my whole life, but have never really come forward with it: Christmas Letters. I am really sorry, I know I offend, but I just think they are, in the words of my beloved son, "really gay". This hatred started way back in the good old days, when my family (sibs and parents) lived out of state. We would get a lot of Christmas letters from friends and family touting the accolades and accomplishments of their various families and pets. It was irksome, at best. The Bradfords really didn't have much to crow about. Unless you consider the time when my brother Matt and I lit the ditch behind our house on fire, or after the Fourth of July, we searched the gutters and finally found an unlit bottle rocket (major treasure), or we could tell about the time my brother Joel cut off all his hair after just getting it cut in the cutest pageboy. The biggest accomplishment of my youth was knowing all of the words to all of the songs on the Frank Zappa "record" that my oldest brother Mark brought home (which we listened to only when the parents were out.) Maybe we could have included the fact that I looked stunning in my Wonder Woman Swimsuit (complete with gold belt) for three summers running. I don't think we ever threw that one away...I think it just disintegrated one day on my way home from the neighborhood swimming hole. Anyway, having to read about our cousins and friends and all of their wonderful lives somehow really stung. Not that I have any lasting scars or anything...What could be so bad? you say. Okay - you asked for it.
These are real statements from letters from real people sent to me at some point in my life:
1. This year our whole family, including our rare African cold water Gecko, achieved black belts in Tae Kwan Do. This has been such a spiritual and unifying experience for our whole family.
2. Our daughter danced Carla in the Nutcracker with Juliard School of Dance. She would have danced the Sugar Plum Fairy, but she is only six and the tutu was just a bit big.
3. We had our children learn Mandarin Chinese this year so that we could host foreign exchange students from China. It was slightly difficult for our 3 year old daughter, but she somehow managed and makes the cutest little face whenever she tells someone "Ni Hao".
4. We bought the new Cadillac Escalade for $50,000 under sticker price.

Do you see what I mean? There are exceptions though. Not every Christmas letter is horrible. Some are actually very sweet and creative. I love this kind. They make me smile. My sister in law Emily usually does an awesome Christmas letter. Also, my husband's colleague writes an entertaining letter. It is usually about 8 double sided pages long, but still intriguing. My challenge to you is to comment of some of the Christmas Letters you have received that are infuriating and/or endearing. I'm thinking of doing one and I need some ideas.

I hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season. I have sort of been enjoying it. I am sure that it will get better once it's over. Love to all!

Autumn is fabulick

In honor of Autumns fourth birthday, I thought I would talk about her a little bit. This may or may not be funny, so hang in there. Autumn was born a poor black child on October 26, 2004. We didn't realize that her name would be sooo cheesy(Autumn Wood), but it fit. Maybe we just couldn't think of anything else to name her, so we chose the most obvious. It was fall, the leaves were turning, etc...You do the math. Anyway, her middle name is Cherie. Cherie means "my love" in French. We were in France for a few days when I was pregnant with her, so thus the name Cherie emerged. Oh yea, her aunt Misty's middle is SHAREE, so we did double duty. I think Misty's name was also supposed to be "Cherie" but her mom didn't know how to spell it, therefore, "SHAREE" was incarnated. Autumn is nearly five years younger than her next oldest sibling, Elizabeth, which means that she believes she is an only child and certainly behaves like one. Admittedly, we have all been a little indulgent. She has provided our family endless hours of entertainment, and as pay back, she has turned into a bit of a prima donna. She definitely rules the roost around her. She is top hen. The Pecking Order starts with her. I was telling Mike the other day that basically my day starts and ends with her bossing me around. She usually sets the agenda, and I really have little say in it. It is just easier this way. Okay, I know that I will live to regret this, but, right now it is fine.
Yesterday, I sent my girls (all four of them) to see High School Musical Three or HSM3 as it is commonly known. When I went to pick them up, I of course asked how they all liked the movie. They all loved it and thought that Zac Efron was super hot. (Even I think he is hot which is weird because I am literally old enough to be his mother.) Anyway, I asked Autumn who her favorite character was and she said "It was Kefron" I said, "You mean Zac Efron?" she said, "that's what I said, Kefron" and then rolled her little eyes at me. Then she said, "It was fabulick" which, I am assuming means "Fabulous". Today, she got dressed up and went to dance for a Halloween party. When she was done, she offered up her "nickers". She told me that she didn't like nickers and that she knew I did, so she wanted me to have hers. It took me a minute until I realized the true meaning of this conversation. She doesn't like candy with nuts, so she gave her "Snickers" to me when we got home. This is just how every day is with her. She says the most outrageous and funny things. I believe my other children did to. Sadly, I didn't record any of it. I barely remember any of it either. So, to make up for that, I will blog my four-year-olds little sayings. This is in an attempt to have at least one of my children stand by my side in the nursing home. Anyway, I love this little girl with all my heart and I am so glad that I got her when I did. She brightens up my life and I am so glad she is my daughter. Love you Autumn. I wanted to post some pics of her, but something is not working with this program, so maybe a future post.

ps - Don't tell Lizzy I told you this, but she also said something funny after the movie. I asked her if she thought Zac Efron was hot too, because Erin and Carley where somewhat dazzled by him. She said, "I think he's cute, but he's really sweaty." Bless her heart. I love her logic!!!!!

Love to all!!!!

OKAY, OKAY, settle down...

You are all freaks. Don't you have anything better to do than read blogs? I am sitting in a pile of trash in my office just so that I can post something. Get a life!!!!! Honestly, I have nothing to say so I shall post Autumn's Birthday Wish List (Autumn is four as of 10/26/2008). Here we go:

Princess Dora and Pegsus horse set (got it)

a pink Jeep to drive (don't got it)

Pet Shop swimming plastic dog (nope, then I would have to give her a bath.)

Polly Pockets (ick, do you know that Polly is now called Decapitated Polly? Her body comes in separate pieces so that you can "mix and match". What is this teaching our little ones?)

Elmo Live (uh-huh, too annoying and how many dang Elmo "somethings" do we need?)

A four wheeler to drive (can you imagine?)

Clippo's (heck no, I strongly object to the jingle, "clippo's, clippo's, clippo's da da da da da da")

Moon sand (yeah right, been there, done that)

Baby Alive potty training doll (okay, this is my favorite. Do they really think I am going to give an inanimate object a bottle just so it can pee and crap in a toilet that I will have to clean up? I have enough crappy toilets, thank you very much. I understand that the poo is fake, but this whole "real" doll thing is getting out of hand. Next thing you know, there will be a doll who vomits and has seizures. I refuse to feed the market on this one.)

Lil' Bratz house and Mini 'Lil Bratz dolls - (okay, broke down even though the 'lil bratz are semi-annoying)

And the list goes on, and on, and on, and on etc.... It's amusing to listen to Autumn and her little bff Ava when they are watching TV. EVERY, and I mean every, toy commercial that comes on, one of them says, "I want that!!!!" or "I want one of those" Sometimes they say it simultaneously. It's almost like a race, who can say it the fastest? Invariably though, whoever says it first says "I will get one and you can get one too, then we will bolf (childese for both) have one and we can shaaaah (childese for share)." I think they would want a box of Tampons if they were pink and sparkly and had just the right jingle, "tampons, tampons, tampons,da da da da da da". Sorry, gross.

Anyway, if you see the little gal, wish her a Happy Birthday! She will love you forever!

Parenting with Love OR Logic.

Parenting with love OR Logic should be the name of the game. So, which is it? Love or Logic. For example: When your 13 year old comes home, roots through the sacks on the counter, finds a decorative candle wrapped in tissue, opens it, smells it and then decides to light it. Seemingly innocent...except when the candle was intended as a birthday gift for a friend. Love tells me to dismiss it and perhaps buy a new candle for the friend. Maybe I should have left a sign out telling exactly what was in the tissue paper and the intended purpose of the candle. That's where I went wrong. Why should I expect my 13 year old to ask if she could light the candle? That's just silly. Definitely should have put up a sign. Logic tells me to smack her up-side the head and then stomp down to her room, root around in her personl effects, maybe finding an incriminating note from a friend detailing who has a crush on who, then innocently posting it on this very blog. That's logic for you. Tit for Tat. I guess the reason I am a little chapped about this is because I walked (pioneer-style, pushing a stroller with two other children hanging on, because my car battery was dead), in the heat and spent close to the last twenty dollars I had to procure the said candle on the very day of the friend's birthday!! JUST NOW - Josh walked in and said "Uhhhhhhh, like, uuuummmmm, when are WE going to have any money?" Is that a riot? I said "Uhhhhhhhhh, like, uuuummmmmm. what do you need?" He says. "Weeelllll, uuuuhhhhh. I just really NEED that one jacket at ABERCROMBIE!" Love - "Well honey, seeing as how Dad doesn't get paid until Friday, you will have to survive a few more days without it. Then on Friday, right after school, we will drive down to Gateway and grab that jacket for you. Is that going to be OK?" Logic - "Dude, IT'S FREAKING 90 DEGREES OUTSIDE. WHAT THE JUNK DO YOU NEED A NEW JACKET FOR ANYWAY? ANYHOW - GET A JOB AND GO TO YOUR ROOM!!" See how this works? Also, if you know anything about Love and Logic, you know that as your child grows, you are supposed to allow them more freedoms and more opportunities for growth. Right. I have completely screwed this up. My children are doomed. I started out with them making a lot of their own choices and having a lot of freedom. Now, they can't even go to the bathroom without asking permission. I even interrogate them after. Did you pee or poo? What color was it? Did you wipe? Did you wash your hands? I won't get any grosser than that. Needless to say, it seems like I am tightening my control, rather than helping them make more of the their own choices. I am sitting here laughing to myself because if these sentiments where to be read by a select few (Jon and Em or Misty and Lane) I would be much more graphic.
Why can't I be like other bloggers? Posting cute pictures and telling what we did for the Fourth or showing the cute sand castle we made in Florida? I need to change my ways. Sorry guys. It is Mrs. Nice Gal from now on. Love ya!!!!!

I don't really have anything to say.

I was chatting with a good friend of mine (Linda) at church today. We were talking about what we could put on our blogs. It gets addicting. Believe it or not, I do not always have an amusing anecdote to share with the world. Linda and I decided that maybe we could share something nice and uplifting. I will do so at this time and then maybe something will come to me. MY nice thing is what a wonderful church I belong to. Don't worry anyone (Joelbaby), I am not preaching. I just really think I belong to a wonderful organization. I speak of this because, I recently watched the Relief Society broadcast and had the privilege of hearing from Elder Uchdorf (spelling?). What a fabulous man he is. I was very touched by his words. One thing that he said (I can't remember if he was quoting or what) got to me. He said something to this effect; We can be happy if we have our prayers answered, but we can be happier if we help to answer prayers. I just wanted to cross-stitch that on a pillow right then and there! I know that I always feel happier when I am in the service of my fellow man. How about you? Anyway - here's something kind of fun that I got from my sister-in-law. It's the ABC game.



A - attached or single? - duh, attached
B - best friend - jim from the office (JK - Mikey)
C - cake or pie? - cake of course. Pie isn't as reliable as cake.
D - day of choice - Monday, kids back to school, Mike to work, house to myself.
E - essential item - diet pepsi
F - favorite color - it used to be purple, but i think it's now blue
G - gummy bears or worms? - NEITHER!!!!!
H- hometown - I guess I would say Sandy
I - indulgences - going to bed early, cinnamon toast, Dr. Pepper, cherry cordial candy kisses, reading a non-thinking book.
J - January 0r July? not a big fan of either one, but July is better because of Lake Powell trips.
K - kids? indeed! 5 little woodlets. 4 girls and 1 bubba.
L - life is incomplete without? - my kids, my husband and the gospel.
M - marriage date - July 18, 1991
N - number of siblings - 3 brothers and 1 sister
O - oranges or apples? apples but only Gala or Golden Delicious or Carley says caramel covered.
P - phobias or fears? - flying (especially at night, I always count the seats to my nearest exit, and I pay attention to the instructions), bowling shoes and bats.
Q - quote - "pants always beats no pants" Jerry Seinfeld and "All because two people fell in love." - NOT!!!!
R - ring size - no clue
S - season? fall - love the pumpkins
T - tag: tag three friend ( how the h to you tag someone?)
U - unknown fact - I don't really have any secrets. It's all out there baby.
V - very favorite store - I think we will all agree with this: Target.
W - worst habit - eating a bowl of cereal in the middle of the night.
X - x-ray or ultrasound - I guess ultrasound. Babies are much cuter than broken bones.
Y - your favorite food - homemade mac & cheese and of course, chocolate.
Z - zodiac sign - Aquarius and my Chinese sign is the Dog. BTW - I was once so into the Chinese zodiac that I could tell anyone what animal they were. I forgotten it all now thank goodness.

After I started doing this I started to wonder if the origin of this game was Match.com or something. Kind of suspect I think. Love to all!!

Do you ever stay up nights?...

Do you ever stay up nights wondering about stuff? Some of you may know that I am a semi-professional insomniac. I usually get about three hours of solid sleep before Autumn yells from her bed "CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!!!" Not, mind you, "Mommy, may I have chocolate milk?" Just "CHOCOLATE MILK!!!!!!!" I usually stumble in and get her an ounce of milk and leave it on her head board. She never actually drinks it, which leads me to believe that perhaps she is having nightmares about some sort of dairy product invasion or cow mud-restling-mania or some such. ANYWAY - at that point in the night, I am up. So inevitably I think about stuff. The other night, for reasons that will remain unsaid, I was dreaming of how to best embarrass and/or humiliate my son. As you have read, he bugs me sometimes. I love him so so so so much, but he still bugs. So I have devised the following. I will release a photo. Of Josh in rollers. With his hair all girly. Granted, I did create this monter, however, it was only released to a selected few. Now all the world, or least 5-10 of my faithful blog readers, will have the evidence of one very silly and boring Friday night at the Wood Household. OK, my pictures aren't the best, but at least there are now pictures!!!!!! Hooray for Crazy Cow!!!!!

Seriously, Josh is my bud and I don't know what I would do without him and all the help he gives me when Mike is gone. He is a good sport and I know that he will just laugh when he hears what I have done!! Love your guts #33!!!!!!

So what other things do I think about when I am up? This is a dangerous question.

Here is a list anyway:

1. stuff to blog about

2. why I am sleeping on the couch and Mike is in a nice comfy bed

3. what to have for breakfast

4. is being "it" good or bad? (this was last night, thanks to an episode of Seinfeld)

5. thrilling thursday (hopefully this will end soooooon)

6. how to bottle pears (thank you so much Marianne)

7. other stuff to blog about

8. what is the minimum amount of housework I can get away with tomorrow and have Mike still think I do something during the day.

9. what is that funny sound? (i have tracked down many a strange sound in the wee hours)

10. should I shower tomorrow or not?

I don't know. Maybe I am just a little off. What do you think?

Love to all!!!!!!!

Just stuff that i have been thinking about...

First of all, whenever i try to make a new post, I post it right after I write the title. Then I have to go back and edit it. I am soooo dumb. It really is frustrating to be this dim. OK - here's is my list of things I have been thinking about. Let's call this the LOVE/HATE game (I read it in a book) Play along with me at home...

RULES: You either have to LOVE IT or HATE IT. No in between.

Let's start with an easy one:
SQUEEZE CHEESE - Love it, no explanation necessary
THE PHRASE "ALL BECAUSE TWO PEOPLE FELL IN LOVE" - HATE it!! Sorry - too cheesy
VINYL PEOPLE STICKERS ON REAR WINDOWS OF SUV'S CHRONICALLY THE FAMILY TREE INCLUDING THE PETS - DOUBLE HATE IT.
THE PHRASE "IT IS WHAT IT IS" - HATE IT, but have been heard using it.
SISTERS-IN-LAW - Love Them, I've been blessed
TEENAGERS IN "LOVE" - Hate it
THE NEW FALL OUT BOY SONG - Love it!!!!!!
THE TWILIGHT SERIES I FINALLY READ - Loved it, sorry Carrie
SATURDAY FOOTBALL AND SOCCER GAMES - Love it, even when both teams lose!

Enough of that games. It is sometimes fun to play this game with your kids, like, in the car or in the dentist office or sometimes even in church. It it way better than I Spy.

I feel that I need to clarify a previous comment on my "teenagers suck..." post. Underwear is usually only crunchy when a 14 year old boy has been playing football in the same said underwear without in-between-practice washing. These aforementioned underwear will most probably be tossed eventually. I know, yuck.

Here's another one:

DISNEY'S CAMP ROCK - HATE IT!!!!!


Someday soon I will actually learn how to post photos onto this thing.. Wish me luck with this project. I will need lots of Dr. P and lots of Autumn free time!

Love to all!!

Just trying

Hi again - I know, a record setting 2 posts in a week. Marvelous. Will wonders never cease? As you can see, I have attempted to snaz up this blog. Just so we are all clear, it took me two days to change my background color. It's not my fav, but will due for now. FYI, the entire time I have been sitting here, Autumn has been pecking me to death and several pesky flies have been niggling me. Just trying to be up with the times and be cute like the rest of you. Have a good weekend!!!!

blue background

Teenagers and how much they (can) suck!

OK! I know that the title of this posting sounds mean, but I believe in honesty. Let me illustrate for you what I mean. Yesterday, I was on my feet all day and consequently spent a sleepless night in pain. My shoulder hurt, my back hurt, my hip hurt and my HEAD HURT!! Here's why. Yesterday, I thought "Hmmm...what can I do to today to show my family that I love them?" The answer came to me in the form of freezer jam. My kids (and husband) really like strawberry freezer jam. So, I went to Costco (a sacrifice in and of itself) and bought 2 flats of strawberries. Also, I bought a "cube" of Diet Pepsi and a 40 pound bag of Marie Callendar's corn bread mix, because one can never have enough of these two items. (By the way, taking Autumn and her American girl doll to the store can become extremely tedious, due to the fact that the doll looks an awful lot like a "small person" or in layman's terms, a "dwarf" or a "midget". You can't believe how many people stop and stare! Autumn makes me buckle the doll in to the cart, so, once people realize that it's just a doll, they then think that I am "special" person who has no children of my own, so I carry around a replica of one because they don't immediately see Autumn as she is usually hiding somewhere behind the large sacks of flour or sitting on one of the display bikes. Weird. I can't imagine what people must think when she (Autumn) makes me buckle in her naked,footless,Bratz Kidz doll. HMMMMM.....Must rethink what I allow Autumn to bring to the store with us... ANYWAY!!!
I get home and start making the jam. Now, for anyone who has made freezer jam, you know what a process it is. Yes, it is realtively simple, but time consuming and messy. So, after I make the jam, I thought, "What would go better with homemade freezer jam than homemade rolls and homemade chili? My kids (and Husband) will really know that I love them if I make those." So, needless to say, when the kids got home, all of these delicious (and homemade) items where magically ready for them to consume. Here's where the sucky teenager and (tween) part comes in. Sorry Josh. So Josh comes into the house filled with the wonderful aroma of baking bread and says "Hey, did you buy my Season Pass to Brighton yet?" I say "No dear, but I did make this delicous jam that you love love love!" He says "Well, when are you going to have some money?" I say " Have some homemade chili and hot rolls before you go to football sweetie!" He says "You guys owe me money anyway. You owe me like 85 dollars for mowing the lawn!" I say, "Well, we will gladly pay half of the $279 bud. We said that we would." He says "OK, when are you going to have my twenty dollar allowance then? That, plus the $85 is half." Now I think "What grade are you in? Half of 279 is 140." But I don't say this, I just go about my duties folding his crunchy underwear and stinky socks (which still stink eventhough I have washed them). Josh disappears for minute and then comes back and POURS HIMSELF A HUGE BOWL OF COCOA PUFFS!!!!!! I stay calm and try not to think about the lovely and delicious homemade goodies sitting on the counter. He manages to scarf down three gigantic bowls of Cocoa Puffs which he claims he doesn't like and then goes in search of more food becuase he is extremely hungry and has to eat before football. HMPH!!
Next sucky teenager. Do you all remember Carley? My do-gooding and loving child who, despite a streak of stubborness, was always her mother's champion and right-hand man? Well , her name is now Erin. Carley has morphed into a gum-smacking,i-pod jamming,nail-biting, Twilight reading, TEENAGER!!!!! Sorry Carley! The other day, I decided to perform an experiment. I wanted to see how long it took Carley to speak to me after she walked in the door from school. Also, I wanted to see what she might say once she did finally speak. So, she came in as usual listening to her I-pod, kicked off her flip-flops, threw her book bag on the floor, grabbed her book and flopped onto her usual spot on the couch. By the way, she hides behind the pillows on the couch so that no one will know she is there. I have also found her reading in the nook under the desk in the office. At least she is reading, right? So the experiment went as follows. I did not say anything to her first. It was killing me not to, but the conditions has to remain in control. So, after TWO HOURS she finally said to me, after I answered the phone, "WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?" That was it. No "Howdy, Mom", no "What's up Mom?", no,"Gee, the house looks nice mom" . Just, "WHO WAS ON THE FREAKING PHONE, MOM?".
I have to be nicer now. I love to tell stories about my kids. While there are occasional exaggerations, my accounts are pretty accurate. OK, some embellishment may be present, but what do they say about poetic license? Does that apply to blogging? I want you all to know how much I adore my children. Life would mean absolutely nothing without them and Mike. I have to tell them that I love them too, because they are usually the first one's to read my blog. I love being a full time Mom, even to burgeoning teenagers. They are way more fun than I ever thought they would be. I hope they know that. Anyway, more stories to come later, mostly about Autumn and her speech impediment. Can someone be vocally dyslexic? Here's a teaser...Try to decipher the following Autumnism's. You get a dollar if you get them right!!!!

1. Picky Mancake
2. Bonus Jothers
3. Freckled Spog

Tune in next time for the answers!!! Love you all!!!!

Don't take 6 kids to the Mall-ever

Well, once again, I was stupid enough to take my five,plus one eight-year old to the Mall. I forgot the stroller, so Autumn was running rampant. I am way to cheap to rent a stroller, so my fault. Just so everyone is clear...It is NOT fun taking a thirteen year old girl to shop for swimsuits. Unless that girl is completely immodest, skanky or has an IQ less than 30. My question for the swimsuit makers of the world - Why do we want our size 7 (girls) on up to be in sexy string bikini's? What is wrong with an old fashioned one piece swimming suit? I had a one-piece Wonder Woman swimsuit that I wore until I was fourteen. I was happy as a clam. Actually, I seem to remember being a little bit embarrassed about wearing it when I was about twelve, but that certainly didn't stop me from schlepping around the pool in it! My point is, you can't even buy a Wonder Woman swimsuit for a fourteen year old! Everything is a string bikini, including the size 7 in the little girls department. No wonder our society is going down hill so fast! No one is modest anymore. At least that's what the retailers of the world want us to believe. OK, step down from soap box.

Anyway, we also went to the mall to but Josh some new shoes. We bought some bright purple Vans for him, but we needed another more practical pair too. What is up with these weird shoes for boys these days? Whatever. I don't care what anyone says about comfort or grip on a deck or anything else. The shoes just suck. Oh, and guess what's back in for girls? Keds! I bought Carley a pair (white of course) for school. I should have kept all of my old shoes.

Am I a moron or what?

OK, I finally did it and created a blog. It only took me a couple of hours (thus the title). Other moronic attempts: trying to create a profile and submit it to the Alta High School Class of '88 website, trying to network two measly computers, trying to scan something onto my comp., trying to post the aforementioned item onto a website, attempting to make a dinner that would appease my entire family. All attempts made within a 24 hour period. Yay me!! I am awesome. I am so proud of my moronicisity that it I challenge any of you to top my moronicitis stupidentia. Good Luck.

Other stuff: We recently spent the weeked at the cabin. It was super stupendous. We rode the mountain coaster and alpine slide up at Park City. I have to admit here that I rather like the Alpine Slide better. Just knowing that at any moment, your sled can jump the tracks, or someone's shoe/cell phone/wedding ring/spittle can land on you (from the above ski lift) en route makes it one heck of a thrill ride. Also, as my niece pointed out, there are gophers! What better way to spend Independance Day than thudding down the mountain-side on a blue plastic sled while gophers frolic alongside. I dare say there is nothing better. The best part of the day though, was, of course, the procuring of the caramel apple. Forty-five minutes in line for a $6 caramel-white chocolate-cinnamon covered apple was the icing. Jim Gaffigan said it best..."it's what the Founding Fathers would want.

Anyway, hope you all hade a wonderful 4th. Maybe on the 24th we can pay homage to the pioneers by catching some gnarly air behind the wake of a speed boat, then eating some brats and burgers just for good measure. GO PIONEERS!