I usually don't do the whole New Year's resolution thing, for obvious reasons. If I had goals, I would have to feel guilty when I didn't reach them. Who needs the guilt? No thank you. Anyway, for 2009, I thought I would venture into the realm of the goal-oriented. I have thought long and hard about these resolutions, so do not laugh.
1. I resolve to refrain from laughing at people who use the following words: irregardless, grammerical and pacific (instead of specific).
2. I resolve to watch each and every episode of American Idol. No skipping.
3. I resolve to never listen to country music or NPR. Disclaimer: I have nothing against country music lovers. It's kind of sweet. I just can't listen to it myself because of the cheese factor.
4. I resolve to perfect my southern accent.
5. I resolve to refrain from watching Camp Rock and High School Musical on a daily basis.
6. I resolve to cut down on the use of the work "freakin" in my daily conversations.
7. I resolve to quit pulling stray hairs from Mike's ears during Sacrament meeting.
8. I resolve to sleep in my own bed at least twice a week - I might be sleeping with several of my children, but at least I'll be in the vicinity of my husband.
9. I resolve to blog more, find more to smile about, take more pictures (with my new rad camera) and keep better track of my kid's lives.
10. Finally, I resolve to actually use the green and orange Harmon's bags when I go to the grocery store, instead of leaving them in my pantry, where they aren't really doing much to save the environment.
See how easy that was? These seem like attainable goals. Hey-hope you have a great New Year. Don't stress yourself out too much. Love to all!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Christmas is over, thank goodness...
Mike and Lizzy walking up the sledding hill by the cabin.
Josh and cousin Carson flying down the sledding hill.
Carley,Erin and Carson trying to get unstuck!
Cutie Autumn at the Cabin.
Mike attempting to play Guitar Hero!
Have you ever seen such a mess?
Finally!!! Christmas is over. Sorry to sound like a spoiled sport, but, sometimes I just can't take it. I love the spiritual, reflection, coming to Christ part, but I have a hard time with the pagan, Santa, wordly part. I love to spend time with the family, but I can only take so much celebrating. By the time New Years rolls around, all I want to do is go to bed. Who cares if it is the dawning of new year and possibly a new beginning? I need my sleep. Anyway, nothing particularly special happened in the Wood family this year...so I will ask the inevitable question and also answer the question you might ask... "What did you get for Christmas?" Well, I finally got my wish. My hubbie and in-laws finally decided to trust me with a nice camera. I am so excited. I can now publish photos of the kids and craziness. Yeah!! Sorry to all that do not want that peek into the life of the Woods. I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and wish for you to have a Happy New Year.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Double Crazy Cow
Today has been a double crazy cow day. Let's just start off by saying that Melissa needs to be medicated. Seriously. Sometimes, I wish I could slip into the local pub and slosh down a few. Ever felt that way? In the words of my very practical sis-in-law "oh, what's the matter?" I tell you what the matter is. My kids don't need sleep to function. I need sleep to function. This is a problem. How can a child of 4 wake up at the butt-crack of dawn, run all day, drive everyone in her family bonkers ALL DAY, not have a nap EVER, and still be alive and well at 11:00 PM? How is this possible? How can an eight year old child with health problems, late nights, middle of the night itching fits and school,dance,violin,homework,Christmas shopping,playing-with-friend-filled days, still insist that she "can't possibly sleep" at 11:15 PM? I had a decent-night-sleep, didn't-do-much, ate-chocolate-all-day kind of day and I am exhausted. Why? Is this what they mean about God having a sense of humor? I think so my friends. By 11 o'clock tonight, I literally thought about doling out several tablespoons of Benadryl to the offending parties, tying each one to their respective beds and then beating them about the head area to induce slumber!!! OK, I'm not that violent, but the Benadryl thing did cross my mind. Happily, they are now tucked safely in their beds, were they are protected from double Crazy Cow. Anyhoo -
I thought of a funny incident today while I was once again Christmas shopping (will it ever end?) Last Saturday, Mike and I decided to Christmas shop for the kids "big" present(s). Of course we ended up at Toys-R-Us (practically the last place you want to be on Dec 13). Mike dropped me off and went to park to the car. First of all, there were oodles and I mean oodles of frantic parents and grandparents in line to purchase their crap. It was somewhat disconcerting. I thought, "Why the hel...I mean heck are we doing this?" So, I set my course for the back of the store,where the "big" presents are. This is were I told Mike to meet me. I was quite determined to get this whole thing over with, so I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. However, one item caught my eye. This item could be the answer to a lot of troubling things about my life. This item could quite possible be the answer to a prayer. This item was so stupendous that I think I actually stopped breathing for a moment (or that could have been due to the general farty smell of that particular area of the store). This item was none other than a life size, talking (in two languages), non-fart smelling DORA DOLL. Yes folks, you read correctly. This doll was 1) about two inches taller and 20 pounds heavier than Autumn, 2)was modestly dressed with beautiful flowing hair 3) was bi-lingual, 4) spoke only when you squeezed her hand and 5) had poseable limbs. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR IN A TOY?? Nothing, nothing and nothing. This doll would have solved the following issues in my life...1) Insta-friend for Autumn. No more endless rounds of Barbie play-acting for me. 2) She would teach my child in two languages, thus , quite possibly hurtling her toward 1st grade way before her time, thus, once again saving me from Barbie/Bratz land. 3) she would be a great example to Autumn, ie: always dress modestly (no waltzing around in the undies), keep your hair tidy and groomed (not in a three day old pony/horse/pig tail), speak only when someone squeezes your hand, and lastly, stand perfectly still with arms at your sides at all time. HURRAH! Long story short, I did not immediately purchase this uber-toy. My list of Pros about this purchase was long and satisfying. There was just one con. This doll could be used against me!!! Remind me to tell you some day about the Life Size Black Nutcracker Barbie that Grandma Wood purchased for Lizzy one Christmas. Quick Synopsis: Lizzy did not play with the doll. My little bro Joel, my son and my loving husband did. They loved to place this doll anywhere and everywhere in different poses, so as to scare me and make me pee my pants. The most memorable of which was when I came upon it standing at the top the stairs in the middle of the night with arms outstretched like some sort of other-wordly creature. I did have to change my shorts after that one. Anyway, this scenario played out in my mind in less than three seconds. I somewhat woefully passed the doll up, hoping that Mike would not discover it. As fate would have it, when he finally did find me amongst the throngs in the motorized vehicle section of the store, he triumphantly lifted the DORA DOLL over his head and proclaimed, "I HAVE FOUND THE PRESENT!!" Needless to say, I quickly subdued his victorious cry with "Not a snowballs chance in hel...I mean heck." That dang doll would most likely send Melissa into premature Cardiac Arrest. The Holidays would definitely be ruined if that happened, so we bought Autumn a motorized car instead. Hey, it's getting late, need to sleep before crazy crack-smoking children arise!!! Love to all!!
I thought of a funny incident today while I was once again Christmas shopping (will it ever end?) Last Saturday, Mike and I decided to Christmas shop for the kids "big" present(s). Of course we ended up at Toys-R-Us (practically the last place you want to be on Dec 13). Mike dropped me off and went to park to the car. First of all, there were oodles and I mean oodles of frantic parents and grandparents in line to purchase their crap. It was somewhat disconcerting. I thought, "Why the hel...I mean heck are we doing this?" So, I set my course for the back of the store,where the "big" presents are. This is were I told Mike to meet me. I was quite determined to get this whole thing over with, so I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. However, one item caught my eye. This item could be the answer to a lot of troubling things about my life. This item could quite possible be the answer to a prayer. This item was so stupendous that I think I actually stopped breathing for a moment (or that could have been due to the general farty smell of that particular area of the store). This item was none other than a life size, talking (in two languages), non-fart smelling DORA DOLL. Yes folks, you read correctly. This doll was 1) about two inches taller and 20 pounds heavier than Autumn, 2)was modestly dressed with beautiful flowing hair 3) was bi-lingual, 4) spoke only when you squeezed her hand and 5) had poseable limbs. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR IN A TOY?? Nothing, nothing and nothing. This doll would have solved the following issues in my life...1) Insta-friend for Autumn. No more endless rounds of Barbie play-acting for me. 2) She would teach my child in two languages, thus , quite possibly hurtling her toward 1st grade way before her time, thus, once again saving me from Barbie/Bratz land. 3) she would be a great example to Autumn, ie: always dress modestly (no waltzing around in the undies), keep your hair tidy and groomed (not in a three day old pony/horse/pig tail), speak only when someone squeezes your hand, and lastly, stand perfectly still with arms at your sides at all time. HURRAH! Long story short, I did not immediately purchase this uber-toy. My list of Pros about this purchase was long and satisfying. There was just one con. This doll could be used against me!!! Remind me to tell you some day about the Life Size Black Nutcracker Barbie that Grandma Wood purchased for Lizzy one Christmas. Quick Synopsis: Lizzy did not play with the doll. My little bro Joel, my son and my loving husband did. They loved to place this doll anywhere and everywhere in different poses, so as to scare me and make me pee my pants. The most memorable of which was when I came upon it standing at the top the stairs in the middle of the night with arms outstretched like some sort of other-wordly creature. I did have to change my shorts after that one. Anyway, this scenario played out in my mind in less than three seconds. I somewhat woefully passed the doll up, hoping that Mike would not discover it. As fate would have it, when he finally did find me amongst the throngs in the motorized vehicle section of the store, he triumphantly lifted the DORA DOLL over his head and proclaimed, "I HAVE FOUND THE PRESENT!!" Needless to say, I quickly subdued his victorious cry with "Not a snowballs chance in hel...I mean heck." That dang doll would most likely send Melissa into premature Cardiac Arrest. The Holidays would definitely be ruined if that happened, so we bought Autumn a motorized car instead. Hey, it's getting late, need to sleep before crazy crack-smoking children arise!!! Love to all!!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
It's been awhile
Hey friends and fam- sorry it has been so long since I have "blogged". As some of you know, Melissa is not the best at techy stuff, ie: my keyboard was broken and I couldn't make it work, so I finally broke down and bought a new one, which Josh thankfully set up for me. Anyhoo - not much to report. I have been forbodden to speak ill of the teenager types in my family, so I really don't have much to say except that I really hate Christmas shopping. That being said, I really don't have anything to say. Okay - I am never really at a loss, so let me step up on my soap box and talk about something I have really disliked my whole life, but have never really come forward with it: Christmas Letters. I am really sorry, I know I offend, but I just think they are, in the words of my beloved son, "really gay". This hatred started way back in the good old days, when my family (sibs and parents) lived out of state. We would get a lot of Christmas letters from friends and family touting the accolades and accomplishments of their various families and pets. It was irksome, at best. The Bradfords really didn't have much to crow about. Unless you consider the time when my brother Matt and I lit the ditch behind our house on fire, or after the Fourth of July, we searched the gutters and finally found an unlit bottle rocket (major treasure), or we could tell about the time my brother Joel cut off all his hair after just getting it cut in the cutest pageboy. The biggest accomplishment of my youth was knowing all of the words to all of the songs on the Frank Zappa "record" that my oldest brother Mark brought home (which we listened to only when the parents were out.) Maybe we could have included the fact that I looked stunning in my Wonder Woman Swimsuit (complete with gold belt) for three summers running. I don't think we ever threw that one away...I think it just disintegrated one day on my way home from the neighborhood swimming hole. Anyway, having to read about our cousins and friends and all of their wonderful lives somehow really stung. Not that I have any lasting scars or anything...What could be so bad? you say. Okay - you asked for it.
These are real statements from letters from real people sent to me at some point in my life:
1. This year our whole family, including our rare African cold water Gecko, achieved black belts in Tae Kwan Do. This has been such a spiritual and unifying experience for our whole family.
2. Our daughter danced Carla in the Nutcracker with Juliard School of Dance. She would have danced the Sugar Plum Fairy, but she is only six and the tutu was just a bit big.
3. We had our children learn Mandarin Chinese this year so that we could host foreign exchange students from China. It was slightly difficult for our 3 year old daughter, but she somehow managed and makes the cutest little face whenever she tells someone "Ni Hao".
4. We bought the new Cadillac Escalade for $50,000 under sticker price.
Do you see what I mean? There are exceptions though. Not every Christmas letter is horrible. Some are actually very sweet and creative. I love this kind. They make me smile. My sister in law Emily usually does an awesome Christmas letter. Also, my husband's colleague writes an entertaining letter. It is usually about 8 double sided pages long, but still intriguing. My challenge to you is to comment of some of the Christmas Letters you have received that are infuriating and/or endearing. I'm thinking of doing one and I need some ideas.
I hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season. I have sort of been enjoying it. I am sure that it will get better once it's over. Love to all!
These are real statements from letters from real people sent to me at some point in my life:
1. This year our whole family, including our rare African cold water Gecko, achieved black belts in Tae Kwan Do. This has been such a spiritual and unifying experience for our whole family.
2. Our daughter danced Carla in the Nutcracker with Juliard School of Dance. She would have danced the Sugar Plum Fairy, but she is only six and the tutu was just a bit big.
3. We had our children learn Mandarin Chinese this year so that we could host foreign exchange students from China. It was slightly difficult for our 3 year old daughter, but she somehow managed and makes the cutest little face whenever she tells someone "Ni Hao".
4. We bought the new Cadillac Escalade for $50,000 under sticker price.
Do you see what I mean? There are exceptions though. Not every Christmas letter is horrible. Some are actually very sweet and creative. I love this kind. They make me smile. My sister in law Emily usually does an awesome Christmas letter. Also, my husband's colleague writes an entertaining letter. It is usually about 8 double sided pages long, but still intriguing. My challenge to you is to comment of some of the Christmas Letters you have received that are infuriating and/or endearing. I'm thinking of doing one and I need some ideas.
I hope you are all enjoying the Christmas season. I have sort of been enjoying it. I am sure that it will get better once it's over. Love to all!
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