Teenagers and how much they (can) suck!

OK! I know that the title of this posting sounds mean, but I believe in honesty. Let me illustrate for you what I mean. Yesterday, I was on my feet all day and consequently spent a sleepless night in pain. My shoulder hurt, my back hurt, my hip hurt and my HEAD HURT!! Here's why. Yesterday, I thought "Hmmm...what can I do to today to show my family that I love them?" The answer came to me in the form of freezer jam. My kids (and husband) really like strawberry freezer jam. So, I went to Costco (a sacrifice in and of itself) and bought 2 flats of strawberries. Also, I bought a "cube" of Diet Pepsi and a 40 pound bag of Marie Callendar's corn bread mix, because one can never have enough of these two items. (By the way, taking Autumn and her American girl doll to the store can become extremely tedious, due to the fact that the doll looks an awful lot like a "small person" or in layman's terms, a "dwarf" or a "midget". You can't believe how many people stop and stare! Autumn makes me buckle the doll in to the cart, so, once people realize that it's just a doll, they then think that I am "special" person who has no children of my own, so I carry around a replica of one because they don't immediately see Autumn as she is usually hiding somewhere behind the large sacks of flour or sitting on one of the display bikes. Weird. I can't imagine what people must think when she (Autumn) makes me buckle in her naked,footless,Bratz Kidz doll. HMMMMM.....Must rethink what I allow Autumn to bring to the store with us... ANYWAY!!!
I get home and start making the jam. Now, for anyone who has made freezer jam, you know what a process it is. Yes, it is realtively simple, but time consuming and messy. So, after I make the jam, I thought, "What would go better with homemade freezer jam than homemade rolls and homemade chili? My kids (and Husband) will really know that I love them if I make those." So, needless to say, when the kids got home, all of these delicious (and homemade) items where magically ready for them to consume. Here's where the sucky teenager and (tween) part comes in. Sorry Josh. So Josh comes into the house filled with the wonderful aroma of baking bread and says "Hey, did you buy my Season Pass to Brighton yet?" I say "No dear, but I did make this delicous jam that you love love love!" He says "Well, when are you going to have some money?" I say " Have some homemade chili and hot rolls before you go to football sweetie!" He says "You guys owe me money anyway. You owe me like 85 dollars for mowing the lawn!" I say, "Well, we will gladly pay half of the $279 bud. We said that we would." He says "OK, when are you going to have my twenty dollar allowance then? That, plus the $85 is half." Now I think "What grade are you in? Half of 279 is 140." But I don't say this, I just go about my duties folding his crunchy underwear and stinky socks (which still stink eventhough I have washed them). Josh disappears for minute and then comes back and POURS HIMSELF A HUGE BOWL OF COCOA PUFFS!!!!!! I stay calm and try not to think about the lovely and delicious homemade goodies sitting on the counter. He manages to scarf down three gigantic bowls of Cocoa Puffs which he claims he doesn't like and then goes in search of more food becuase he is extremely hungry and has to eat before football. HMPH!!
Next sucky teenager. Do you all remember Carley? My do-gooding and loving child who, despite a streak of stubborness, was always her mother's champion and right-hand man? Well , her name is now Erin. Carley has morphed into a gum-smacking,i-pod jamming,nail-biting, Twilight reading, TEENAGER!!!!! Sorry Carley! The other day, I decided to perform an experiment. I wanted to see how long it took Carley to speak to me after she walked in the door from school. Also, I wanted to see what she might say once she did finally speak. So, she came in as usual listening to her I-pod, kicked off her flip-flops, threw her book bag on the floor, grabbed her book and flopped onto her usual spot on the couch. By the way, she hides behind the pillows on the couch so that no one will know she is there. I have also found her reading in the nook under the desk in the office. At least she is reading, right? So the experiment went as follows. I did not say anything to her first. It was killing me not to, but the conditions has to remain in control. So, after TWO HOURS she finally said to me, after I answered the phone, "WHO WAS ON THE PHONE?" That was it. No "Howdy, Mom", no "What's up Mom?", no,"Gee, the house looks nice mom" . Just, "WHO WAS ON THE FREAKING PHONE, MOM?".
I have to be nicer now. I love to tell stories about my kids. While there are occasional exaggerations, my accounts are pretty accurate. OK, some embellishment may be present, but what do they say about poetic license? Does that apply to blogging? I want you all to know how much I adore my children. Life would mean absolutely nothing without them and Mike. I have to tell them that I love them too, because they are usually the first one's to read my blog. I love being a full time Mom, even to burgeoning teenagers. They are way more fun than I ever thought they would be. I hope they know that. Anyway, more stories to come later, mostly about Autumn and her speech impediment. Can someone be vocally dyslexic? Here's a teaser...Try to decipher the following Autumnism's. You get a dollar if you get them right!!!!

1. Picky Mancake
2. Bonus Jothers
3. Freckled Spog

Tune in next time for the answers!!! Love you all!!!!